The Evolution of Blah

When a kid is born, at some point, it starts to show its talents. Some draw, some paint, some cry, some have a big penis.. So on and so forth.

In my case, however, for as long as ANYONE can remember… I simply couldn’t shut the fuck up!!!

This would have been fine, except, as so often seen in bollywood movies, there was a ‘kahaani mein twist’…

Now, I was raised by a man, who, although was never part of the military, was as close as a civilian to get to being one.

How do I describe my old man.. Hmmm..

Let’s start by saying, Im pretty certain when I was born, I wasn’t picked up. Instead, my old man might have expected a salute and we probably shook hands or something.

I probably had a timer to take a leak, and a board in the nursery that read, ‘Any leaks taken out of turn shall not be attended to’.

Lights out at 9. No amount of crying was going to change that.

We never hugged in my household. We got patted on the back, and got handed 'In recognition of' certificates.

Ahh.. the good old days..

Ok.. Fine.. Maybe I exaggerated a teeny weeny bit there. Point is dad was thoda khadoos type ka.

So back to me not being able to shut the fuck up.

Legend says, I was like Jesus, that we both started speaking almost right away.

Course he went onto become Jesus Christ, the savior of humanity.

Me.. Well.. Not so much.

Flashback.

I can actually picture my parents goin, ‘Say Mama.. Say Dada.. Agoo goo goo’, and then into facepalm mode right afters.. Coz once up and running, I was like the fuckin Energizer bunny.. Just kept goin n goin n goin n goin n goin…

The worst part was getting onto a flight. There I was, Babil Junior, in all my vexatious glory, talking away, non-stop, for the seemingly billion hours between take off and landing, to some poor random, soul, my menacingly tiny brain had targetted. N he didnt have any place to go. As the Gollum would say, 'Stuck with me he was. My Precious'.

Then there were long drives. The ‘donkey’ from Shrek was probably less annoying.

Parties.. Oh God.. Parties.. Nightmares.

It’s no wonder that the old man still sneaks in a ‘I should have used a condom’ look at me, now n then.

Story of my life.

Anyhoo.. Here we are.. A few decades later..

I can proudly say that things have not really changed.

Persistent little prick aren’t I?

But I have evolved. Nowadays my word vomit is more situational based.

I can go through an entire day at the office without saying a word. Ironic, considering my job actually includes talking to people. Guessing, that I hate my job, doesn’t help.

When the volcano does explode, though, it’s a stampede of words. Does all of it make sense? Not really. It just needs to get out. Almost like President Bush giving a speech. U hear the words, but no one, not even he, knows what the fuck it is actually being said.

In my case, however, my fiancé mostly bears the grunt of it. The poor thing.

Yes, I have a fiancé now. Someone finally agreed to marry me. I know. LOL!!!

So, all those 17500 words that an average person uses in a day, plus another 5000 for good measure, she gets to listen to in a matter of hours.

Im almost certain that at some point she just puts the phone on mute, goes, watches two episodes of Friends, comes back n goes, ‘Ahan.. ok..’

I don’t care. I love her.

Anyhoo. Im bored now. Gonna stop writing now n get back to pretending to work.

P.S. Sorry Mom, Dad... N thanks for not abandoning me, when u actually had a chance.

2013

The mayans were wrong.

Damn!!!

'We all make choices. Its living with them thats the tough part.'

They say that, to really know what u have, u need to look back to what used to be.

Im thinking a part of me was longing to find out, and quite intently so..

I decided to come back and revisit a part of my life that was left back gasping in the tabloids of yesterday.

Hyderabad.

For those who dont know the history, i was living in the city for a few years. It was the best time of my life. I discovered new things, cherished new experiences, build new relationships and was happy beyond debate.

Of course gravity had to come into play at some point, and everything that goes up must come down. I crashed and burnt. The specific details are irrelevant.

What is important is that which followed.

For once in my life, i was inspired to take charge of a ship that was spiralling out of control and try and bring it back on track.

Of course, life isnt always kind to those amongst us who want to hit the reset button. We gotta pay the price for snoozing.

This post is about reflection.

Choices. From what to order off a menu, to how to get to the restaurant, to which restaurant to pick, to whether or not to eat..

Life is all about those little decisions we make isnt it? Those little turns in the grand scheme of things that could make us either the most miserable of those, or the amongst the lucky ones.

2012 for me was all about sticking to some of those choices that i had made variably or invariably, and checking to see where it would take me.

Course in true tradition concerning most things in life, the year had started as anything but inspiring. The bottom of the barrel had just gotten deeper, in fact.

Long story short. Choices were made. Decisions were taken.

At the time, although i didnt know, it was by far the best thing i decided to do.

I stuck by it, and honetly life's better for it.

Right now, soaring at 35,000 feet above the earth, heading back from Hyderabad to the land of my forefathers, here i am sitting back, reflecting on that which was.

Bloody hell. I've changed. The city hasn't. The people havn't.

Anyhoo..

2013. Lucky number 13. The year of the snake.

Time to crawl out of the shadows and take the reins once again. Time to reinvent, rejuvinate and replenish the awesomeness of life.

The choices have been made. Decisions have been taken. Again.

Time to live with them.