The master of destruction is back... and hopefully this time to stay…
So lots of people want to know why I haven’t been writing for some time…
That’s coz I haven’t been pissed off enough to… Some might call it a good thing, but I tend to think differently…
What’s different about today?
Nothing really… but I’m pulling on a week of almost zero sleep… good enough a reason as any…
So what brings me back to the land of literacy?
This time it’s the most ahem ‘sensational’ marriage of the 21st century.
You guessed it… Aishwarya and Abhishek Bachan…
There are people who believe in marriage and those that don’t… I for one… Don’t…
Huh?
Why?
Allow me to explain…
The whole freaking Indian culture is based on marriage… To the point it’s almost become disgraceful…
Btw… This is me signing my own death warrant. My family and my girl friend are going to start the official fourth world war over this stupid piece of prose…
That being said… Let’s move on…
I don’t believe in the concept of marriage…
Let’s picture a middle class family in the land of the masses.
Dad makes peanuts every month and has more gray hairs than Richard Gere.
Mom’s a house wife with high blood pressure.
Son’s a graduate, who after 21 odd years of expensive tutoring, makes even less than dad and knows the fine art of spending more than he can make.
The beautiful daughter, who every guy wants to date, and she knows it… AKA… High Maintenance…
So this is the ideal ‘Hum do hamare do’ family of modern India.
Since the day the kids are born, daddy dear spends all that he makes on kids education, purchasing/making a house, that occasional once in a decade vacation to Ooty, etc.
This is alongside that pension fund, LIC policy, Mutual funds, Chit funds, Post Office fund (that’s mom’s idea btw... Duh!!!), and other funds that I can’t even spell…
One might think this is the end of the list... but I haven’t even gotten to the most ultimate expenditure of all time…
The Grand Wedding.
For those of you who might not be familiar to this, get up and move from that rock u been hiding under…
Decades are invested into saving enough money to throw around on a wedding that is going to last for a day, or a week in some cases…
Let’s check the guest list…
The entire colony must be invited, people who u know, people who know u, people who u don’t know but know u, people who u hate and mutually reciprocate, the relatives, distant relatives and even that one uncle in Uganda who u haven’t spoken to all your life...
And every one of these people show up for that one free meal of a lifetime.
The excuse is, ‘Now that we’re invited, we HAVE to go’, as though this is some sort of favor.
Please note that expenses might also include feeding, transportation, and lodging in some cases (Clue: Uganda).
Moving on… Dowry…
Yes it still exists… The government ain’t doin jack about it… They themselves accepted ‘gifts’, as it is phrased these days…
These tends to include kilos of Gold, other Misc. Ornaments, a middle class Mercedes (No, second hand won’t do, ‘How dare you disgrace my son?’), A flat in the suburbs, and other such miniature ‘presents’…
Forget the expenses…
Let’s talk about the bride and the groom for a minute…
Somehow every dad and mom in this great country tends to believe that their kid is going to be happier with someone of their choice.
Let’s not even forget the fact that daddy and mommy dearest think Jeans is against Indian culture and values, I’m not even stepping into cargoes and short skirts section, or MTV…
Bottom line, you don’t let your folks choose your clothes for you, you don’t let them order at a restaurant, you don’t let them choose your watch, your makeup, your accessories, anything… And yet from nowhere, you are expected to let them decide who you spend rest of eternity with…
Someone mind explaining to me how that works… Coz I don’t have a freaking clue…
And let’s say you do the unthinkable, and start dating someone of your choice…
That guy is up to no good… I know it…
Chi chi chi.. Look at that girl… Jeans, and t-shirts, no culture, blah blah blah…
For all you Dads and Moms out there…
It takes two to tango…
Your daughter ain’t no ‘Sati Savitri’, and your son ain’t ‘Mahatma Gandhi’ either.
So do all of us a favor… Put a lid on it.
Bottom line… The fact that you’re not allowed to spend the rest of captivity with someone you choose, and the other fact that you spend the rest of your days paying off that dumbass marriage loan, ain’t too pleasant for my meager tastes.
Hence, I don’t believe in the CONCEPT of marriage.
But this article did not even go close to the sensation of the lifetime, the ‘vivaah’ of the century, etc…
The irrevocable part of being Indian is getting married, or so most have learned…
One would expect this to be a quiet occasion, close friends and family.
Bondage of love between two individuals, pledging commitment to each other until death do them apart… (Or a good lawyer)
These two celebrities found out that this was not exactly the case.
Anybody, who is anybody was talking about this wedding.
The media.
The gossip channels.
MTV.
First, the engagement… This actually made the front page… Even before the alleged Russian Mafia’s possession of a nuclear bomb, and threat to blow up the world. (Ok, I made that up), but you get the idea…
I was like ok… That’s nice… They got engaged… Good for them…
But that wasn’t enough…
A week later, here I am flipping through the million channels on TV, and someone’s idea of prime time TV included making a show in dedication of the marriage of the century.
The show actually included the why that particular choice of date, the million ‘gurus’, predicting the outcome of their married life, and the sensational ‘Wedding invitation’.
Ok… I was bored… So sue me…
I was like, ‘Fuck, who in the world would watch this crap?’
And then I come back to work the next day to find the ladies DROOLING over the whole thing.
‘Ahh… That explains it…’
This went on for weeks.
One would have expected that the smaller channels would pull of a third rate stunt like this and that would be the end of it. Except in this case, the bigger channels followed suit with each one thinking, ‘Why didn’t we think of this cheap ass concept first?’
And then came the wedding…
Everyone had a field day over this… Newspapers… Television… Internet… Sms… You name it…
Believe it or not, it was live telecasted over television… Err… From outside the gate…
There was this one channel that even took a video of Sachin Tendulkar stepping into the building, and predicting what he might be thinking after India’s amazing performance at the world cup. Err... whats the relation?
Blah Blah Blah... CRAP!!!
I don't even want to think of the honeymoon...
Do we just not have serious news today?
Or is it just that we don’t understand the concept of privacy?
We need some SERIOUS help…
