Today, ladies and gentlemen, that mystery has been solved.
Below, are illustrations of advanced reasearch done in this field, from AIFS (Advanced Institute of Female Studies)
This is not a joke.
Strange, but true...
Wednesday, December 12, 2007
The Human Tendency
For years the most intelligent amongst all us men have been on the ultimate quest to figure out the working of the female brain.
Today, ladies and gentlemen, that mystery has been solved.
Below, are illustrations of advanced reasearch done in this field, from AIFS (Advanced Institute of Female Studies)
This is not a joke.
Today, ladies and gentlemen, that mystery has been solved.
Below, are illustrations of advanced reasearch done in this field, from AIFS (Advanced Institute of Female Studies)
This is not a joke.
Tuesday, December 11, 2007
The seven deadly sins of mankind
1. Lust (Latin, luxuria)
2. Gluttony (Latin, gula)
3. Greed (Latin, avaritia)
4. Sloth (Latin, acedia)
5. Wrath (Latin, ira)
6. Envy (Latin, invidia)
7. Pride (Latin, superbia)
The seven sins of mankind...
In my opinion, though, the most important one was left out; Addiction.
Oh don’t get me wrong people, each and every one of those sins are kick ass in their own right, but addiction, now that’s one sin that’s been… well… neglected.
This article is dedicated to the greatest sin that mankind has learnt to overlook.
An addiction is a recurring compulsion by an individual to engage in some specific activity, despite harmful consequences to the individual's health, mental state or social life.
Or in more human terms, addiction is getting hooked onto the shit that u live for, that can fuck your trip bad…
Addiction…
The first picture that pops to mind is that of the dude sippin off a sweet cigarette…
There is the Alcoholic, who just can’t seem to figure how Mr. Bagpiper® pulled a Houdini on him again…
And my personal favorite, the druggie, who just thinks he’s closer to god…
Is that all that addictions about?
Or is that what they want you to think?
I say addiction is a lot more than just smokes, booze or weed. Addiction is all around you, part of your everyday life…
Time to zoom in…
I’m gonna leave out the obvious tea, coffee, ice cream, chocolate, etc etc and gonna put em into the ‘DUH’ bin.
Zooming in a little bit more…
Ever wondered why people can’t stay alone for too long?
Why all the Swami dudes go into isolation?
Coz they realized that the greatest addiction of all is towards the people around us…
Don’t defy my thoughts just yet…
Home sickness… The deficiency towards free food, home and ones parents…
Love… The deficiency of one’s lady…
Forget people… Let’s go into the great world of technology…
Cell phones…
Need I say more?
The world of Cosmetics…
Ladies listen up… Lip sticks… Nail Polish… Mascara…
Blah Blah Blah… Yada Yada Yada…
People, wake up and smell the coffee…
We are all addicts to something or the other…
So why do we discriminate against those who KNOW where they belong?
Why?
2. Gluttony (Latin, gula)
3. Greed (Latin, avaritia)
4. Sloth (Latin, acedia)
5. Wrath (Latin, ira)
6. Envy (Latin, invidia)
7. Pride (Latin, superbia)
The seven sins of mankind...
In my opinion, though, the most important one was left out; Addiction.
Oh don’t get me wrong people, each and every one of those sins are kick ass in their own right, but addiction, now that’s one sin that’s been… well… neglected.
This article is dedicated to the greatest sin that mankind has learnt to overlook.
An addiction is a recurring compulsion by an individual to engage in some specific activity, despite harmful consequences to the individual's health, mental state or social life.
Or in more human terms, addiction is getting hooked onto the shit that u live for, that can fuck your trip bad…
Addiction…
The first picture that pops to mind is that of the dude sippin off a sweet cigarette…
There is the Alcoholic, who just can’t seem to figure how Mr. Bagpiper® pulled a Houdini on him again…
And my personal favorite, the druggie, who just thinks he’s closer to god…
Is that all that addictions about?
Or is that what they want you to think?
I say addiction is a lot more than just smokes, booze or weed. Addiction is all around you, part of your everyday life…
Time to zoom in…
I’m gonna leave out the obvious tea, coffee, ice cream, chocolate, etc etc and gonna put em into the ‘DUH’ bin.
Zooming in a little bit more…
Ever wondered why people can’t stay alone for too long?
Why all the Swami dudes go into isolation?
Coz they realized that the greatest addiction of all is towards the people around us…
Don’t defy my thoughts just yet…
Home sickness… The deficiency towards free food, home and ones parents…
Love… The deficiency of one’s lady…
Forget people… Let’s go into the great world of technology…
Cell phones…
Need I say more?
The world of Cosmetics…
Ladies listen up… Lip sticks… Nail Polish… Mascara…
Blah Blah Blah… Yada Yada Yada…
People, wake up and smell the coffee…
We are all addicts to something or the other…
So why do we discriminate against those who KNOW where they belong?
Why?
Thursday, December 06, 2007
All roads lead to Rome...
So it’s another pissed off day at work and I’m driving back, for the millionth time, when the thought struck.
Before we get into the details of things, it’s important that you understand the intriguing factors involved in this complex equation of events that lead to this obscure ridicule.
AKA, prologue…
It started out like any other day, woke up an hour later than I was supposed to… “Fuck!!!”… Wet the hair… Hint of deo… Dash of perfume… Yesterday’s shirt...
And I’m off to the land of the oppressed… Work!!!
Work itself is not discussed here… Let’s just assume that I have the most pissed off job in the world that would drive any normal person to insanity, and me to the land beyond… In case my boss is reading this, take a hint…
Now, my chariot of glory… my bike… my Hero Honda… my Passion… my fuckin piece of shit junk on two wheels…
I acquired this mechanically astounding device during my first year of college… After pulling my fat ass around for almost 7 years, after proving that gravity does exist on multiple occasions, no brakes, no headlight, absolutely no mileage, this 100cc bike still continued to soar through the streets of Hyderabad… 0 to 32 in three minutes flat… A fine example of our superior engineering capabilities…
I loved that piece of junk.
Now for all you non-bikers out there, let me let u in on a little secret. We hate wearing a freaking helmet…
How is this relevant? Read on…
For years onto end, when people think of biking, we associate with it a certain sense of freedom and power, more than being in a car, or any other vehicle for that matter…
That amazing feeling of the wind blowing through the hair, the danger, the agility, the stunts, the power of breaking rules at your finger tips, … And knowing that all this exists in that mean machine between your legs… ;-)
Physics, I tell you, becomes an illusion…
And then the government decides to enforce a helmet upon us… Safety, is what they called it.
Gone was that feeling of freedom, of bliss, of danger…
And instead we got hair loss, constant head aches (that refuse to go away ever), neck pains and the head feeling like a turkey on thanksgiving, every time we go riding in the sun…
Not to mention having to carry the damn thing around wherever you go…
Safety it seems… Safety my ass…
But then the damn thing has saved my good looks (ahem!) on several occasions, so I’m not complaining…
Coming back to the point…
So here I was… Another day… Riding back from work… Head getting roasted bit by bit, when I saw her… She was the most beautiful, the most elegant, the most mesmerizing woman I had ever laid my eyes upon…
A poet couldn’t do this goddess of a woman justice…
Who gives a shit about the watch she’s wearing?
Huh? Where did that come from?
She, ladies and gentlemen, was on a billboard.
Now most people would have given it half a second of thought, if ever, forgotten it and gotten on with their respective lives… Not me, I had to think more on this, and when you got an hour and half of wading through traffic ahead of you, why not?
Billboards… Those huge massive structures featuring the ad of some very rich company in the most traffic infested part of town.
Advertising is a very competitive business, and in a sex-deprived society such as ours, with men and women, at the peak of their respective man and woman-hoods, deprived of their animal instincts, it’s only natural to assume that, sex sells.
Picture the scenario that some guy is driving around his vehicle, through a swarm of traffic… Cycles, bikes, autos, cars, buses, lorries and on occasion road rollers… Almost like mosquitoes at a swamp… And yet through all this, his attention has to be diverted from the road and onto that board…
How do we do it?
Lets put up a picture of some good looking chick, along with a handsome dude, lets strip them down to the bare necessities, perfect lighting to enhance the ‘various features’ of the models, and that sexy, horny expression for guaranteed public appraisal.
Oh yea, write the name of that newspaper somewhere as well… Goddamn product!!!
Now my question is this…
Helmets were made mandatory because the government was so ‘concerned’ about our safety…
If that’s the case, then why are billboards not viewed as potential danger?
I rest my case.
Before we get into the details of things, it’s important that you understand the intriguing factors involved in this complex equation of events that lead to this obscure ridicule.
AKA, prologue…
It started out like any other day, woke up an hour later than I was supposed to… “Fuck!!!”… Wet the hair… Hint of deo… Dash of perfume… Yesterday’s shirt...
And I’m off to the land of the oppressed… Work!!!
Work itself is not discussed here… Let’s just assume that I have the most pissed off job in the world that would drive any normal person to insanity, and me to the land beyond… In case my boss is reading this, take a hint…
Now, my chariot of glory… my bike… my Hero Honda… my Passion… my fuckin piece of shit junk on two wheels…
I acquired this mechanically astounding device during my first year of college… After pulling my fat ass around for almost 7 years, after proving that gravity does exist on multiple occasions, no brakes, no headlight, absolutely no mileage, this 100cc bike still continued to soar through the streets of Hyderabad… 0 to 32 in three minutes flat… A fine example of our superior engineering capabilities…
I loved that piece of junk.
Now for all you non-bikers out there, let me let u in on a little secret. We hate wearing a freaking helmet…
How is this relevant? Read on…
For years onto end, when people think of biking, we associate with it a certain sense of freedom and power, more than being in a car, or any other vehicle for that matter…
That amazing feeling of the wind blowing through the hair, the danger, the agility, the stunts, the power of breaking rules at your finger tips, … And knowing that all this exists in that mean machine between your legs… ;-)
Physics, I tell you, becomes an illusion…
And then the government decides to enforce a helmet upon us… Safety, is what they called it.
Gone was that feeling of freedom, of bliss, of danger…
And instead we got hair loss, constant head aches (that refuse to go away ever), neck pains and the head feeling like a turkey on thanksgiving, every time we go riding in the sun…
Not to mention having to carry the damn thing around wherever you go…
Safety it seems… Safety my ass…
But then the damn thing has saved my good looks (ahem!) on several occasions, so I’m not complaining…
Coming back to the point…
So here I was… Another day… Riding back from work… Head getting roasted bit by bit, when I saw her… She was the most beautiful, the most elegant, the most mesmerizing woman I had ever laid my eyes upon…
A poet couldn’t do this goddess of a woman justice…
Who gives a shit about the watch she’s wearing?
Huh? Where did that come from?
She, ladies and gentlemen, was on a billboard.
Now most people would have given it half a second of thought, if ever, forgotten it and gotten on with their respective lives… Not me, I had to think more on this, and when you got an hour and half of wading through traffic ahead of you, why not?
Billboards… Those huge massive structures featuring the ad of some very rich company in the most traffic infested part of town.
Advertising is a very competitive business, and in a sex-deprived society such as ours, with men and women, at the peak of their respective man and woman-hoods, deprived of their animal instincts, it’s only natural to assume that, sex sells.
Picture the scenario that some guy is driving around his vehicle, through a swarm of traffic… Cycles, bikes, autos, cars, buses, lorries and on occasion road rollers… Almost like mosquitoes at a swamp… And yet through all this, his attention has to be diverted from the road and onto that board…
How do we do it?
Lets put up a picture of some good looking chick, along with a handsome dude, lets strip them down to the bare necessities, perfect lighting to enhance the ‘various features’ of the models, and that sexy, horny expression for guaranteed public appraisal.
Oh yea, write the name of that newspaper somewhere as well… Goddamn product!!!
Now my question is this…
Helmets were made mandatory because the government was so ‘concerned’ about our safety…
If that’s the case, then why are billboards not viewed as potential danger?
I rest my case.
Saturday, April 28, 2007
Doom Reloaded
The master of destruction is back... and hopefully this time to stay…
So lots of people want to know why I haven’t been writing for some time…
That’s coz I haven’t been pissed off enough to… Some might call it a good thing, but I tend to think differently…
What’s different about today?
Nothing really… but I’m pulling on a week of almost zero sleep… good enough a reason as any…
So what brings me back to the land of literacy?
This time it’s the most ahem ‘sensational’ marriage of the 21st century.
You guessed it… Aishwarya and Abhishek Bachan…
There are people who believe in marriage and those that don’t… I for one… Don’t…
Huh?
Why?
Allow me to explain…
The whole freaking Indian culture is based on marriage… To the point it’s almost become disgraceful…
Btw… This is me signing my own death warrant. My family and my girl friend are going to start the official fourth world war over this stupid piece of prose…
That being said… Let’s move on…
I don’t believe in the concept of marriage…
Let’s picture a middle class family in the land of the masses.
Dad makes peanuts every month and has more gray hairs than Richard Gere.
Mom’s a house wife with high blood pressure.
Son’s a graduate, who after 21 odd years of expensive tutoring, makes even less than dad and knows the fine art of spending more than he can make.
The beautiful daughter, who every guy wants to date, and she knows it… AKA… High Maintenance…
So this is the ideal ‘Hum do hamare do’ family of modern India.
Since the day the kids are born, daddy dear spends all that he makes on kids education, purchasing/making a house, that occasional once in a decade vacation to Ooty, etc.
This is alongside that pension fund, LIC policy, Mutual funds, Chit funds, Post Office fund (that’s mom’s idea btw... Duh!!!), and other funds that I can’t even spell…
One might think this is the end of the list... but I haven’t even gotten to the most ultimate expenditure of all time…
The Grand Wedding.
For those of you who might not be familiar to this, get up and move from that rock u been hiding under…
Decades are invested into saving enough money to throw around on a wedding that is going to last for a day, or a week in some cases…
Let’s check the guest list…
The entire colony must be invited, people who u know, people who know u, people who u don’t know but know u, people who u hate and mutually reciprocate, the relatives, distant relatives and even that one uncle in Uganda who u haven’t spoken to all your life...
And every one of these people show up for that one free meal of a lifetime.
The excuse is, ‘Now that we’re invited, we HAVE to go’, as though this is some sort of favor.
Please note that expenses might also include feeding, transportation, and lodging in some cases (Clue: Uganda).
Moving on… Dowry…
Yes it still exists… The government ain’t doin jack about it… They themselves accepted ‘gifts’, as it is phrased these days…
These tends to include kilos of Gold, other Misc. Ornaments, a middle class Mercedes (No, second hand won’t do, ‘How dare you disgrace my son?’), A flat in the suburbs, and other such miniature ‘presents’…
Forget the expenses…
Let’s talk about the bride and the groom for a minute…
Somehow every dad and mom in this great country tends to believe that their kid is going to be happier with someone of their choice.
Let’s not even forget the fact that daddy and mommy dearest think Jeans is against Indian culture and values, I’m not even stepping into cargoes and short skirts section, or MTV…
Bottom line, you don’t let your folks choose your clothes for you, you don’t let them order at a restaurant, you don’t let them choose your watch, your makeup, your accessories, anything… And yet from nowhere, you are expected to let them decide who you spend rest of eternity with…
Someone mind explaining to me how that works… Coz I don’t have a freaking clue…
And let’s say you do the unthinkable, and start dating someone of your choice…
That guy is up to no good… I know it…
Chi chi chi.. Look at that girl… Jeans, and t-shirts, no culture, blah blah blah…
For all you Dads and Moms out there…
It takes two to tango…
Your daughter ain’t no ‘Sati Savitri’, and your son ain’t ‘Mahatma Gandhi’ either.
So do all of us a favor… Put a lid on it.
Bottom line… The fact that you’re not allowed to spend the rest of captivity with someone you choose, and the other fact that you spend the rest of your days paying off that dumbass marriage loan, ain’t too pleasant for my meager tastes.
Hence, I don’t believe in the CONCEPT of marriage.
But this article did not even go close to the sensation of the lifetime, the ‘vivaah’ of the century, etc…
The irrevocable part of being Indian is getting married, or so most have learned…
One would expect this to be a quiet occasion, close friends and family.
Bondage of love between two individuals, pledging commitment to each other until death do them apart… (Or a good lawyer)
These two celebrities found out that this was not exactly the case.
Anybody, who is anybody was talking about this wedding.
The media.
The gossip channels.
MTV.
First, the engagement… This actually made the front page… Even before the alleged Russian Mafia’s possession of a nuclear bomb, and threat to blow up the world. (Ok, I made that up), but you get the idea…
I was like ok… That’s nice… They got engaged… Good for them…
But that wasn’t enough…
A week later, here I am flipping through the million channels on TV, and someone’s idea of prime time TV included making a show in dedication of the marriage of the century.
The show actually included the why that particular choice of date, the million ‘gurus’, predicting the outcome of their married life, and the sensational ‘Wedding invitation’.
Ok… I was bored… So sue me…
I was like, ‘Fuck, who in the world would watch this crap?’
And then I come back to work the next day to find the ladies DROOLING over the whole thing.
‘Ahh… That explains it…’
This went on for weeks.
One would have expected that the smaller channels would pull of a third rate stunt like this and that would be the end of it. Except in this case, the bigger channels followed suit with each one thinking, ‘Why didn’t we think of this cheap ass concept first?’
And then came the wedding…
Everyone had a field day over this… Newspapers… Television… Internet… Sms… You name it…
Believe it or not, it was live telecasted over television… Err… From outside the gate…
There was this one channel that even took a video of Sachin Tendulkar stepping into the building, and predicting what he might be thinking after India’s amazing performance at the world cup. Err... whats the relation?
Blah Blah Blah... CRAP!!!
I don't even want to think of the honeymoon...
Do we just not have serious news today?
Or is it just that we don’t understand the concept of privacy?
We need some SERIOUS help…
So lots of people want to know why I haven’t been writing for some time…
That’s coz I haven’t been pissed off enough to… Some might call it a good thing, but I tend to think differently…
What’s different about today?
Nothing really… but I’m pulling on a week of almost zero sleep… good enough a reason as any…
So what brings me back to the land of literacy?
This time it’s the most ahem ‘sensational’ marriage of the 21st century.
You guessed it… Aishwarya and Abhishek Bachan…
There are people who believe in marriage and those that don’t… I for one… Don’t…
Huh?
Why?
Allow me to explain…
The whole freaking Indian culture is based on marriage… To the point it’s almost become disgraceful…
Btw… This is me signing my own death warrant. My family and my girl friend are going to start the official fourth world war over this stupid piece of prose…
That being said… Let’s move on…
I don’t believe in the concept of marriage…
Let’s picture a middle class family in the land of the masses.
Dad makes peanuts every month and has more gray hairs than Richard Gere.
Mom’s a house wife with high blood pressure.
Son’s a graduate, who after 21 odd years of expensive tutoring, makes even less than dad and knows the fine art of spending more than he can make.
The beautiful daughter, who every guy wants to date, and she knows it… AKA… High Maintenance…
So this is the ideal ‘Hum do hamare do’ family of modern India.
Since the day the kids are born, daddy dear spends all that he makes on kids education, purchasing/making a house, that occasional once in a decade vacation to Ooty, etc.
This is alongside that pension fund, LIC policy, Mutual funds, Chit funds, Post Office fund (that’s mom’s idea btw... Duh!!!), and other funds that I can’t even spell…
One might think this is the end of the list... but I haven’t even gotten to the most ultimate expenditure of all time…
The Grand Wedding.
For those of you who might not be familiar to this, get up and move from that rock u been hiding under…
Decades are invested into saving enough money to throw around on a wedding that is going to last for a day, or a week in some cases…
Let’s check the guest list…
The entire colony must be invited, people who u know, people who know u, people who u don’t know but know u, people who u hate and mutually reciprocate, the relatives, distant relatives and even that one uncle in Uganda who u haven’t spoken to all your life...
And every one of these people show up for that one free meal of a lifetime.
The excuse is, ‘Now that we’re invited, we HAVE to go’, as though this is some sort of favor.
Please note that expenses might also include feeding, transportation, and lodging in some cases (Clue: Uganda).
Moving on… Dowry…
Yes it still exists… The government ain’t doin jack about it… They themselves accepted ‘gifts’, as it is phrased these days…
These tends to include kilos of Gold, other Misc. Ornaments, a middle class Mercedes (No, second hand won’t do, ‘How dare you disgrace my son?’), A flat in the suburbs, and other such miniature ‘presents’…
Forget the expenses…
Let’s talk about the bride and the groom for a minute…
Somehow every dad and mom in this great country tends to believe that their kid is going to be happier with someone of their choice.
Let’s not even forget the fact that daddy and mommy dearest think Jeans is against Indian culture and values, I’m not even stepping into cargoes and short skirts section, or MTV…
Bottom line, you don’t let your folks choose your clothes for you, you don’t let them order at a restaurant, you don’t let them choose your watch, your makeup, your accessories, anything… And yet from nowhere, you are expected to let them decide who you spend rest of eternity with…
Someone mind explaining to me how that works… Coz I don’t have a freaking clue…
And let’s say you do the unthinkable, and start dating someone of your choice…
That guy is up to no good… I know it…
Chi chi chi.. Look at that girl… Jeans, and t-shirts, no culture, blah blah blah…
For all you Dads and Moms out there…
It takes two to tango…
Your daughter ain’t no ‘Sati Savitri’, and your son ain’t ‘Mahatma Gandhi’ either.
So do all of us a favor… Put a lid on it.
Bottom line… The fact that you’re not allowed to spend the rest of captivity with someone you choose, and the other fact that you spend the rest of your days paying off that dumbass marriage loan, ain’t too pleasant for my meager tastes.
Hence, I don’t believe in the CONCEPT of marriage.
But this article did not even go close to the sensation of the lifetime, the ‘vivaah’ of the century, etc…
The irrevocable part of being Indian is getting married, or so most have learned…
One would expect this to be a quiet occasion, close friends and family.
Bondage of love between two individuals, pledging commitment to each other until death do them apart… (Or a good lawyer)
These two celebrities found out that this was not exactly the case.
Anybody, who is anybody was talking about this wedding.
The media.
The gossip channels.
MTV.
First, the engagement… This actually made the front page… Even before the alleged Russian Mafia’s possession of a nuclear bomb, and threat to blow up the world. (Ok, I made that up), but you get the idea…
I was like ok… That’s nice… They got engaged… Good for them…
But that wasn’t enough…
A week later, here I am flipping through the million channels on TV, and someone’s idea of prime time TV included making a show in dedication of the marriage of the century.
The show actually included the why that particular choice of date, the million ‘gurus’, predicting the outcome of their married life, and the sensational ‘Wedding invitation’.
Ok… I was bored… So sue me…
I was like, ‘Fuck, who in the world would watch this crap?’
And then I come back to work the next day to find the ladies DROOLING over the whole thing.
‘Ahh… That explains it…’
This went on for weeks.
One would have expected that the smaller channels would pull of a third rate stunt like this and that would be the end of it. Except in this case, the bigger channels followed suit with each one thinking, ‘Why didn’t we think of this cheap ass concept first?’
And then came the wedding…
Everyone had a field day over this… Newspapers… Television… Internet… Sms… You name it…
Believe it or not, it was live telecasted over television… Err… From outside the gate…
There was this one channel that even took a video of Sachin Tendulkar stepping into the building, and predicting what he might be thinking after India’s amazing performance at the world cup. Err... whats the relation?
Blah Blah Blah... CRAP!!!
I don't even want to think of the honeymoon...
Do we just not have serious news today?
Or is it just that we don’t understand the concept of privacy?
We need some SERIOUS help…
Saturday, February 03, 2007
Monday, January 29, 2007
Cliché…
All of us watch television.
The inevitable part of watching television is advertisements.
So here I am giving up to fate and watching, for the millionth time, the same ad about some product that’s supposed to be ultimately good for you.
I immediately had to have it.
Good advertisement, I thought.
All of a sudden I was struck with this sudden realization.
I had seen this ad somewhere before.
Recollection was bound to happen.
That’s when it suddenly dawned upon me, the obvious treachery involved.
Picture this…
Every product comes out with the punch line that, it is officially the ultimate commodity that has ever been made by mankind, and that beautiful girl and handsome, slightly gay, looking dude manages to convince you that you have to have it.
All this in under 60 seconds.
So what is wrong with this?
Well for that, let us go a little deeper into the specifics.
Take for example a face crème.
Chances are it comes out with a punch line that goes something like, Revitalizes the skin, cleans pores, softens skin, makes u look a million years younger, and basically the one crème that is going to solve all your skin problems.
Oh… btw… its all herbal as well…
What is wrong with this picture is that, it’s the same thing that was said about some other crème right before this one…
And again the same thing said about the crème before that one.
So my question, Ladies and gentlemen, is this…
What is the difference?
Why am I paying an obscene amount of money for this product?
Why do I suddenly feel like a sucker?
The inevitable part of watching television is advertisements.
So here I am giving up to fate and watching, for the millionth time, the same ad about some product that’s supposed to be ultimately good for you.
I immediately had to have it.
Good advertisement, I thought.
All of a sudden I was struck with this sudden realization.
I had seen this ad somewhere before.
Recollection was bound to happen.
That’s when it suddenly dawned upon me, the obvious treachery involved.
Picture this…
Every product comes out with the punch line that, it is officially the ultimate commodity that has ever been made by mankind, and that beautiful girl and handsome, slightly gay, looking dude manages to convince you that you have to have it.
All this in under 60 seconds.
So what is wrong with this?
Well for that, let us go a little deeper into the specifics.
Take for example a face crème.
Chances are it comes out with a punch line that goes something like, Revitalizes the skin, cleans pores, softens skin, makes u look a million years younger, and basically the one crème that is going to solve all your skin problems.
Oh… btw… its all herbal as well…
What is wrong with this picture is that, it’s the same thing that was said about some other crème right before this one…
And again the same thing said about the crème before that one.
So my question, Ladies and gentlemen, is this…
What is the difference?
Why am I paying an obscene amount of money for this product?
Why do I suddenly feel like a sucker?
I am, whatever u say I am...
1. Condition of being free or unrestricted.
2. Personal or civic liberty.
3.
4. (foll. by from) exemption from.
5. (foll. by of) a honorary membership or citizenship (freedom of the city). b unrestricted use of (a house etc.).
All true in their own rights.
Freedom for me is to wake up in the morning, open my windows, breathe the fresh air, sip off some hot coffee and think to myself… This is where I belong.
A fine thought, even if I do say so myself…
Many a brave have dedicated themselves as martyrs to this dream that lights the hearts of men and women alike.
There is nothing ordinary about freedom, though.
Every time we cross that road, step on a bus, every heartbeat that we take, we should always remember the millions of men and women that have sacrificed their lives, like cattle, in the hands of the oppressors, so that at least their children and those after them could live in the land of the free.
They have succeeded…
Today, every Indian can proudly stand up and say, ‘I am Free!!!’
But are we truly?
I don’t think so.
True, we are not caged, beaten or thrown into concentration camps like the stories that history tells…
Yet, we are entangled in a web of deceit that goes beyond the naked eye.
All of us are slaves.
Slaves to the gods of media, advertising and to the idea, that, there is a better tomorrow.
Don’t believe me…
Allow me to explain…
Every guy wants to look like Tom Cruise. Every girl like Laetitia Casta.
Meal… McDonalds, KFC, Pizza Hut…
Engagement… A DeBeers Diamond…
Shoes… Nike, Reebok…
Purses… Gucci, Prada…
Lingerie…
No longer are our lives dictated by ourselves. We have someone else dictating it for us…
The gods of media and advertising.
The world has been confined to untold rules and regulations and we now have someone else telling… Wait… Profusely persuading us in defining what is wrong and what is right…
No longer does individuality exist.
Slowly we are all turning into the Barbie dolls of Modern Society.
Realization is the key.
Tuesday, January 23, 2007
A Way of Life...
I remember as a young kid, my mom used to tell me... Babil, your the laziest kid in the world.
Back then I used to think this was a bad thing.
Today I know better...
Now I know what many of you might be thinking… There he goes again... Rambling… Talking crap…
Never denied any of it, but this time I am gonna substantiate my statements with substantial proof.
Deep breath… Break the knuckles…And here goes nothing…
So people say that laziness is a bad thing… I say that laziness is the inspiration to genius.
Confused…
Allow me to explain…
If you are an Indian, chances are this story is going to sound quite familiar… Too familiar some may say…
The same old gyaan we keep havin to listen to, bout how once upon a time, a long long time ago, dad n mom had to walk ten kilometers to catch a bus to go to school... Came back walking... Did their own laundry… Cleaned their own room... Blah Blah Blah…
2007…
Fifth grade kids have their own bikes...
Moms have washing machines… And not to mention, “Surf Excel Hai Na”…
Its true… Life has become a lot easier…
These days can you imagine getting up from the couch to change the channel… Even if the TV doesn’t work, the remote does…
Picture a kitchen without a microwave… Imagine having to whip out a pan each time u want to cook / heat something…
Who uses a landline phone these days… Cell phones where its at…
Pre-cooked meals… From two minute noodles to snoodles in a cup…
The internet… To save one the trouble of going to the library or the cd shop…
How does any of this relate to laziness?
If man had not been lazy, then why would we need any of this…
Some people might want to call it convenience… “Balls”, I tell them…
Man was created lazy, by laws of nature.
He does not have the luxury of fur, like the bear…
The speed of the cheetah…
The scent of the hound…
What he was gifted, was the brain… That he has finely tweaked to utilize in enhancing laziness…
Then, redefining the odds, some genius comes along and makes something to make man even more lazier…
Like the (ahem!!!) Sauna Slim Belt… Beats slogging your ass in the gym…
The maker is a millionaire… So why did he do it…
To make the world a slimmer place?
I don’t think so…
So that he may lead a lazier life…
Final Verdict…
These days when my mom calls me a lazy bum… Well… I say, Thank you… And I mean it…
Back then I used to think this was a bad thing.
Today I know better...
Now I know what many of you might be thinking… There he goes again... Rambling… Talking crap…
Never denied any of it, but this time I am gonna substantiate my statements with substantial proof.
Deep breath… Break the knuckles…And here goes nothing…
So people say that laziness is a bad thing… I say that laziness is the inspiration to genius.
Confused…
Allow me to explain…
If you are an Indian, chances are this story is going to sound quite familiar… Too familiar some may say…
The same old gyaan we keep havin to listen to, bout how once upon a time, a long long time ago, dad n mom had to walk ten kilometers to catch a bus to go to school... Came back walking... Did their own laundry… Cleaned their own room... Blah Blah Blah…
2007…
Fifth grade kids have their own bikes...
Moms have washing machines… And not to mention, “Surf Excel Hai Na”…
Its true… Life has become a lot easier…
These days can you imagine getting up from the couch to change the channel… Even if the TV doesn’t work, the remote does…
Picture a kitchen without a microwave… Imagine having to whip out a pan each time u want to cook / heat something…
Who uses a landline phone these days… Cell phones where its at…
Pre-cooked meals… From two minute noodles to snoodles in a cup…
The internet… To save one the trouble of going to the library or the cd shop…
How does any of this relate to laziness?
If man had not been lazy, then why would we need any of this…
Some people might want to call it convenience… “Balls”, I tell them…
Man was created lazy, by laws of nature.
He does not have the luxury of fur, like the bear…
The speed of the cheetah…
The scent of the hound…
What he was gifted, was the brain… That he has finely tweaked to utilize in enhancing laziness…
Then, redefining the odds, some genius comes along and makes something to make man even more lazier…
Like the (ahem!!!) Sauna Slim Belt… Beats slogging your ass in the gym…
The maker is a millionaire… So why did he do it…
To make the world a slimmer place?
I don’t think so…
So that he may lead a lazier life…
Final Verdict…
These days when my mom calls me a lazy bum… Well… I say, Thank you… And I mean it…
Wednesday, January 17, 2007
Haste makes Waste?
All of us have read the story.. All of us have been told this story.. Some of us live this story..
Im talking about the "tortoise and the hare".
The abridged version:
Tortoise and hare run a race.. Hare speeds off.. Takes a nap in the middle.. Sleeps for too long.. Tortoise wins..
Common sense : Slow and steady wins the race.
A genius in all respects, Albert Einstein has said, "Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen."
That makes a lot of sense...
Todays day and age demands that you cannot be a tortoise, no longer does the world have a place for people who are willing to take their time and do things in the 'slow and steady' manner.
Think about it.. The only organization that functions using this philosophy is the Indian Government Offices... And we all know how well that works...
Effective conclusion : Be the hare and screw the nap...
Thats what the world demands of you...
The speed of a leopard... The cunning of the fox...
From coffee to Instant Coffee...
Letters to E-Mail...
Horses to Aston Martins...
Life is moving at a pace faster than ever...
A gazillion movies have been made in this respect...
Life aint life unless its lived at 300 Miles per hour is the motto to go by...
However... My article aint gonna be on this... Too cliched...
This article is gonna be pursuing the other side of things...
Life after 24 hours...
Confused...
Let me explain...
Recently due to life being totally fucked... I have had to stay up long hours... More than an entire day quite often... And let me tell you... Life just aint the same afterwards...
Its almost like the gateway into the world of the matrix... Litrelly...
Things actually begins to move slowly... Look closely and you can actually see the green lines...
Remember that movie in which the Kung Fu doode moves so fast that you actually see the 'shadow' of his hand moving...
That becomes a reality...
Thats not the best part yet...
Remember how life always has a way of catching up to you... This actually happens...
One second its all going slow... And the next minute... Its like lifes on fast forward...
Its like ur high on speed... without the mojo pills...
Fun... Yea it is...
Comes with a warning though...
At the end of things, you never make sense... For me... Well... Thats not too much of an issue...
And for those of you wondering... This article aint gonna make too much sense either...
I just wanted to live upto my name...
So peace out... n Hey... Make Haste while u at it...
Im talking about the "tortoise and the hare".
The abridged version:
Tortoise and hare run a race.. Hare speeds off.. Takes a nap in the middle.. Sleeps for too long.. Tortoise wins..
Common sense : Slow and steady wins the race.
A genius in all respects, Albert Einstein has said, "Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen."
That makes a lot of sense...
Todays day and age demands that you cannot be a tortoise, no longer does the world have a place for people who are willing to take their time and do things in the 'slow and steady' manner.
Think about it.. The only organization that functions using this philosophy is the Indian Government Offices... And we all know how well that works...
Effective conclusion : Be the hare and screw the nap...
Thats what the world demands of you...
The speed of a leopard... The cunning of the fox...
From coffee to Instant Coffee...
Letters to E-Mail...
Horses to Aston Martins...
Life is moving at a pace faster than ever...
A gazillion movies have been made in this respect...
Life aint life unless its lived at 300 Miles per hour is the motto to go by...
However... My article aint gonna be on this... Too cliched...
This article is gonna be pursuing the other side of things...
Life after 24 hours...
Confused...
Let me explain...
Recently due to life being totally fucked... I have had to stay up long hours... More than an entire day quite often... And let me tell you... Life just aint the same afterwards...
Its almost like the gateway into the world of the matrix... Litrelly...
Things actually begins to move slowly... Look closely and you can actually see the green lines...
Remember that movie in which the Kung Fu doode moves so fast that you actually see the 'shadow' of his hand moving...
That becomes a reality...
Thats not the best part yet...
Remember how life always has a way of catching up to you... This actually happens...
One second its all going slow... And the next minute... Its like lifes on fast forward...
Its like ur high on speed... without the mojo pills...
Fun... Yea it is...
Comes with a warning though...
At the end of things, you never make sense... For me... Well... Thats not too much of an issue...
And for those of you wondering... This article aint gonna make too much sense either...
I just wanted to live upto my name...
So peace out... n Hey... Make Haste while u at it...
Thursday, January 11, 2007
When the sun goes down...
Cold eerie mist...
Faint light...
That time of day when wildlife dominates over man... when might is right...
The time of night...
Stories say that it was the time when spirits are set free...
Vampires... Bloodhounds... Warewolves...
And then the more Indian version... Yakshi... Bhoot... (Blah Blah Blah)
Come 2007...
Not much has changed...
We still have the vampires out on the hunt...
Sporting their designer clothes... Driving fast cars... They come out after dusk...
Men and women out in packs through the late hours of the night...
Parties... The meeting place...
Raves... The beckoning of the spirits...
Music... The bonding...
The cats are unleashed into the wild...
And while the world sleeps... As the city rocks...
There exists another set of nocturnal animals...
The BPO Employees... Commonly known as call centre folks...
Sleep off the days... Work the nights...
Ignoring the norms of society, they come out by the thousands..
Cabs running around dominating the paths of the jungle...
The customer service industry...
US... Destination Extreme...
Preys in the hands of MNCs...
Night life...
What has changed... Not much...
The rustling of leaves.. To the sound of trance.. To the ring of the ACD...
The howling does not stop through the night...
Faint light...
That time of day when wildlife dominates over man... when might is right...
The time of night...
Stories say that it was the time when spirits are set free...
Vampires... Bloodhounds... Warewolves...
And then the more Indian version... Yakshi... Bhoot... (Blah Blah Blah)
Come 2007...
Not much has changed...
We still have the vampires out on the hunt...
Sporting their designer clothes... Driving fast cars... They come out after dusk...
Men and women out in packs through the late hours of the night...
Parties... The meeting place...
Raves... The beckoning of the spirits...
Music... The bonding...
The cats are unleashed into the wild...
And while the world sleeps... As the city rocks...
There exists another set of nocturnal animals...
The BPO Employees... Commonly known as call centre folks...
Sleep off the days... Work the nights...
Ignoring the norms of society, they come out by the thousands..
Cabs running around dominating the paths of the jungle...
The customer service industry...
US... Destination Extreme...
Preys in the hands of MNCs...
Night life...
What has changed... Not much...
The rustling of leaves.. To the sound of trance.. To the ring of the ACD...
The howling does not stop through the night...
Tuesday, January 09, 2007
Two sides of the coin..
2007.. The beginning of the end..
One of those periods in life when humanity as a whole starts evaluating the way things are going..
Multi National Corporations devising new strategies..
And me on a mission to determine the difference between right and wrong..
Every now and then someone comes up to you and tells you outright to your face, "Your WRONG", and the only fact of life is that it pisses you off.
So here i am, on a mission to educate my imaginary readers..
Lets start out with the great words of Eddie Murphy from the movie Vampire in Brooklyn :
"The big man teaches us, there's two sides to every story. Not one but two. A story is not one-sided. A story has duality. There's two sides to every story. Which brings to mind the phrase "necessary evil".
I know many of you hear that phrase and say, 'That don't even make no sense to me. Can't be no such thing as necessary - how's evil necessary? That don't match. That's plaids and stripes, evil and necessary.'
You see, because without bad, there is no good.
Without light, there is no dark, you need both these things.
You hear what I'm saying? If every day is a sunny day, well, then, what's a sunny day?
Well, the bottom line, what I'm trying to tell you tonight, is that evil...eeeevil... is necessary. Evil is necessary, thereby, if it's necessary, evil... - Evil... - ...must be good. Evil is good."
Worthy of thought.. I think so..
So what defines right from wrong?
Stealing is wrong, they say, but what about the little boy who steals a loaf of bread so that he doesn't starve to death. Is that wrong?
Telling lies is wrong, they say, but what about that little white lie that brings a smile on your loved ones face. Is that wrong?
I dont think so.
So what defines right from wrong?
Perspective.
Depends on how you look at it.
Personal Experience.. I am a smoker.. Just about everyone who knows me thinks that its wrong to smoke. Hell.. even i believe them sometimes..
Little do they understand the significance that little stick of joy holds in my life.. Nicotine calms me down.. It helps me concentrate.. It brings out the taste in food.. It makes my life have some meaning..
And the best part.. When you hold that lighted stick in between your fingers, bring it slowly to your lips, hold it down, take a breath.. feel the smoke going in through your lungs.. filling it with an instant warmth.. and just when you feel you cant hold it back no more.. exhale.. and.. relief.. smoke blowing out in pure poetic motion.. Forgetting all the worries around you.. Forgetting life.. Ecstacy to the extreme..
Some call it a cigarette.. I call it.. A slice of heaven..
So i die a couple of years before my time, but the way things are going.. Dont think i'd be missing out on much..
Perspective, ladies and gentlemen, is what its all about.
Remember the millions of times your boss might come out to give you a 'piece of his mind'.
You know and maybe even he knows your right and at the end of that conversation, all that you want to tell him is, "Maybe i should have.. Maybe i shouldn't have.. Maybe you should go fuck yourself.."
Right and wrong..
Who determines in a relationship whats wrong and right?
The lady? If so.. What gives her the right to call the shots?
The man? Says who?
So who or what defines right and wrong?
Hmmm.. Question for the ages..
There is a message that i would like to convey here.
Lets try and keep an open mind to ideas and opinions. Lets understand that what a person does might be wrong in our eyes, but maybe he/she has a different perspective.
Lets not judge a person based on his or her habits, but on values deeper than that.
Lets try and be better human beings.
One of those periods in life when humanity as a whole starts evaluating the way things are going..
Multi National Corporations devising new strategies..
And me on a mission to determine the difference between right and wrong..
Every now and then someone comes up to you and tells you outright to your face, "Your WRONG", and the only fact of life is that it pisses you off.
So here i am, on a mission to educate my imaginary readers..
Lets start out with the great words of Eddie Murphy from the movie Vampire in Brooklyn :
"The big man teaches us, there's two sides to every story. Not one but two. A story is not one-sided. A story has duality. There's two sides to every story. Which brings to mind the phrase "necessary evil".
I know many of you hear that phrase and say, 'That don't even make no sense to me. Can't be no such thing as necessary - how's evil necessary? That don't match. That's plaids and stripes, evil and necessary.'
You see, because without bad, there is no good.
Without light, there is no dark, you need both these things.
You hear what I'm saying? If every day is a sunny day, well, then, what's a sunny day?
Well, the bottom line, what I'm trying to tell you tonight, is that evil...eeeevil... is necessary. Evil is necessary, thereby, if it's necessary, evil... - Evil... - ...must be good. Evil is good."
Worthy of thought.. I think so..
So what defines right from wrong?
Stealing is wrong, they say, but what about the little boy who steals a loaf of bread so that he doesn't starve to death. Is that wrong?
Telling lies is wrong, they say, but what about that little white lie that brings a smile on your loved ones face. Is that wrong?
I dont think so.
So what defines right from wrong?
Perspective.
Depends on how you look at it.
Personal Experience.. I am a smoker.. Just about everyone who knows me thinks that its wrong to smoke. Hell.. even i believe them sometimes..
Little do they understand the significance that little stick of joy holds in my life.. Nicotine calms me down.. It helps me concentrate.. It brings out the taste in food.. It makes my life have some meaning..
And the best part.. When you hold that lighted stick in between your fingers, bring it slowly to your lips, hold it down, take a breath.. feel the smoke going in through your lungs.. filling it with an instant warmth.. and just when you feel you cant hold it back no more.. exhale.. and.. relief.. smoke blowing out in pure poetic motion.. Forgetting all the worries around you.. Forgetting life.. Ecstacy to the extreme..
Some call it a cigarette.. I call it.. A slice of heaven..
So i die a couple of years before my time, but the way things are going.. Dont think i'd be missing out on much..
Perspective, ladies and gentlemen, is what its all about.
Remember the millions of times your boss might come out to give you a 'piece of his mind'.
You know and maybe even he knows your right and at the end of that conversation, all that you want to tell him is, "Maybe i should have.. Maybe i shouldn't have.. Maybe you should go fuck yourself.."
Right and wrong..
Who determines in a relationship whats wrong and right?
The lady? If so.. What gives her the right to call the shots?
The man? Says who?
So who or what defines right and wrong?
Hmmm.. Question for the ages..
There is a message that i would like to convey here.
Lets try and keep an open mind to ideas and opinions. Lets understand that what a person does might be wrong in our eyes, but maybe he/she has a different perspective.
Lets not judge a person based on his or her habits, but on values deeper than that.
Lets try and be better human beings.
Monday, January 01, 2007
Tick Tock.. Tick Tock..
The clock ticks towards the end of an era... 2006.
Aptly termed as per the Chinese calendar as the year of the dog, life, once again, has proved to be a bitch.
While the whole worlds out there celebrating the dawn of 2007, here i am, sitting here at the dangerous edge of sobriety writing my last entry for the year.
Yet once again i am puzzled on what to write about.. so here goes nothin..
So its new years eve... hmmm... a thought comes to mind...
Year after year people coming up with more and more diverse excuses for beginning the new year with an absolute lie. They even got a term for it. Its called new year resolutions.
I mean how many of you people have actually lived the promise for the whole year.. forget a year.. a meagre month atleast..
At some part of the world there is the Ms Flubber, whose telling herself that this is the last XXXL Big Mac (with xtra cheese) she is ever having in her life.
Theres the smoker... "I need to quit this shit.."
The husband... "No more whores.."
The secretary... "I need to find a proper boyfriend.."
The nerd... "I need to get out more often.."
The cool doode... "I need to find a serious girl.."
(Ok.. maybe not that one.. )
Parties, parties and more parties..
Hell.. Its new years.. Another wonderful excuse to empty the pockets of the unwary and make sure that the end of the month is gonna be a tight squeeze..
And so the night passes... Dawn breaks and its the first day of the new year...
A new day.. A fresh beginning..
More than half the world wakes up with a mammoth size hangover, ultimately thinking.. What the fuck was i thinking yest..
Theres the guy who scored a chick at some office party, and now cant even vaguely remember her name.. (and for all u know he din even ask.. but thats irrelevant now..)
Theres the guy who wakes up with a broken jaw.. Drunken Brawl..
Not to forget.. The guy who comes out of the tatoo parlour with the inscription.. "Piss on me.. Im drunk!!!"
And thats just the glazing on the cover..
So whats the point im tryin to make.. nothin.. Just wanted to write something..
2006 has been good to me.. but that could just be coz im an optimistic guy..
I got a job.. (damn thing just happens to pay peanuts..)
Got out of home.. (FREEDOM!!! -> Picture braveheart)
Made a lot of pals.. (err.. no comments)
Getting laid was a scarcity.. (ok.. im not proud of it..)
But hey.. all thats in the past..
Look to the brighter future.. the silver glazing..
The chinese calendar calls it the year of the pig..
2007.. I'd prefer to call it.. The year of the bond.. (007.. duh!!!)
New Year Resolutions : None.
Aptly termed as per the Chinese calendar as the year of the dog, life, once again, has proved to be a bitch.
While the whole worlds out there celebrating the dawn of 2007, here i am, sitting here at the dangerous edge of sobriety writing my last entry for the year.
Yet once again i am puzzled on what to write about.. so here goes nothin..
So its new years eve... hmmm... a thought comes to mind...
Year after year people coming up with more and more diverse excuses for beginning the new year with an absolute lie. They even got a term for it. Its called new year resolutions.
I mean how many of you people have actually lived the promise for the whole year.. forget a year.. a meagre month atleast..
At some part of the world there is the Ms Flubber, whose telling herself that this is the last XXXL Big Mac (with xtra cheese) she is ever having in her life.
Theres the smoker... "I need to quit this shit.."
The husband... "No more whores.."
The secretary... "I need to find a proper boyfriend.."
The nerd... "I need to get out more often.."
The cool doode... "I need to find a serious girl.."
(Ok.. maybe not that one.. )
Parties, parties and more parties..
Hell.. Its new years.. Another wonderful excuse to empty the pockets of the unwary and make sure that the end of the month is gonna be a tight squeeze..
And so the night passes... Dawn breaks and its the first day of the new year...
A new day.. A fresh beginning..
More than half the world wakes up with a mammoth size hangover, ultimately thinking.. What the fuck was i thinking yest..
Theres the guy who scored a chick at some office party, and now cant even vaguely remember her name.. (and for all u know he din even ask.. but thats irrelevant now..)
Theres the guy who wakes up with a broken jaw.. Drunken Brawl..
Not to forget.. The guy who comes out of the tatoo parlour with the inscription.. "Piss on me.. Im drunk!!!"
And thats just the glazing on the cover..
So whats the point im tryin to make.. nothin.. Just wanted to write something..
2006 has been good to me.. but that could just be coz im an optimistic guy..
I got a job.. (damn thing just happens to pay peanuts..)
Got out of home.. (FREEDOM!!! -> Picture braveheart)
Made a lot of pals.. (err.. no comments)
Getting laid was a scarcity.. (ok.. im not proud of it..)
But hey.. all thats in the past..
Look to the brighter future.. the silver glazing..
The chinese calendar calls it the year of the pig..
2007.. I'd prefer to call it.. The year of the bond.. (007.. duh!!!)
New Year Resolutions : None.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)